I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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