I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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