i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
