you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
