We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize