this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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