I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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