Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
