I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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