no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
