you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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