i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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