just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
