Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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