There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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