You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
