idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
