I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
