Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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