Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
