i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize