Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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