as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
