If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize