im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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