dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
