i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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