all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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