Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
