Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
