why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My balls are so social today.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
