talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
