Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
