So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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