Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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