How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
