New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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