Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
