The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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