Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
