Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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