I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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