I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
there is glitter all over my balls
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