yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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