watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize