just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
