bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
