I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
