Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
