literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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