I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
