Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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