this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
