you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
