You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
