i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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