You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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