you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
