When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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