That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
