The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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