Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
