It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
