Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
