After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
