I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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