she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
