Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
