Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
