I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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