it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I look better un-naked...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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