Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
