I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
