PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
