His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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