i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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