I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
