we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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