k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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