The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
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