Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
