textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
