i need an iv and a liver transplant
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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