Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
