On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
