Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i now understand why vodka
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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