No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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