you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this just has baby written all over it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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