I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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