What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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