Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
