My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize